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I looked down at the dusty floor. A stiff oaky smell rose from the ground beneath me and filled my nostrils. There was a torn, slightly discoloured piece of white tape on the canvas in front of me. There was nothing particularly special about it, but for a a ripple of appluase break while I felt myself transfixed to it. It puzzled me how this piece of tape was able to give me respite from my ever increasing nerves.  This tape was of significant importance. For when the curtain came up, it was where I must stand, like a lamb to the slaughter. The endless slaughter of the audience, one mistake and you are a goner. I found my mind traveling into places I did not want it to go. I was considering being unable to sing. Messing up a line. I took an intake of breath and slowly let it free. I began to hear the murmuring of the crowd. An invisible noise which I could do nothing to escape from accompanied by the graceful sound of someone tickling a piano, perfectly to the tune of the opening song in the show. I took comfort in the fact nothing was going wrong. 

      My director came over to me from the right hand side of the stage.  I gained a great deal of reassurance from her presence. She rested her had and my shoulder and muttered, “Break a leg!” I felt a strange feeling come over me. This phrase, which is supposed to bring comfort, rocked me slightly. I tasted the dryness of my mouth. My nerves and gone into overdrive. I felt as if they were going to turn me mad. I dashed to the side of the stage, grasped a bottle of water and raised it to my lips. I felt the slightly tepid water sooth my mouth and slide down my throat. I took two further gulps, swallowing with some determination after swirling the water around my mouth. I turned slowly and headed back onto the stage. I looked upwards at the balcony towering over the other wing to the stage. It seemed flimsy, but the man at a set of controls that were at the far right hand side of the balcony looked surprisingly confident. I lowered my sight and caught eye-contact with my best friend, who was also in the play. I jogged lightly, so as not to make too much noise, over to him. I looked up to him. My experience in these situations was minuscule compared to his. I shook his hand. He took my hand firmly and hugged me. He whispered into my ear, “Did you really think you could get away with a handshake?” He laughed, “Give your all tonight mate, and just think of the applause at the end.” He took a step back and winked at me before heading off stage. I asked myself, “How could he be so confident?” 

       I heard a ripple of applause break out from the audience in front of me. My previous experience told me that it must mean that the conductor had entered the auditorium. The applause came to a stop and the nerves hit me in an intense volume. I looked on the floor, I spotted the white tape out of the corner of my eye. I walked over to it. The lights behind the curtain went down. My nerves had hit all new heights. They were like a brick wall in front of me. My mind was a blur. The  bad light impaired my vision. I looked around. Everything and everyone was in position. I looked forward at the crimson curtain. The intro music began to play. The soft melody played with my ears and my confidence rose. I wriggled my toes in my shoes. Cracked my neck. Then adjusted my microphone slightly until it finally stopped throbbing slightly on my cheek. I could smell the anticipation from the audience. The intro music slowly faded away. I took a sharp intake of breath. Light poured onto the stage as the crimson shield that protected me rose. 

come on brian…back to the mental asylum :)

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that goes on about wearing the same jeans for 4 days? been in my head all day :/

Sunny and warm :) not overly hot. Hate being cold. Actually warm snow would be ace. Has this turned into a rant? :/

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